February 22, 2009

Hi-ho, hi-ho... and PAPA!

...It's off to work I go tomorrow. Off to work to earn money, and be without my babies, my new baby girl. Off to work to fight the Atlanta traffic, for the great reward of not having to file for bankruptcy. The joy.

Today I have been a total wreck... and today is the first day in my whole life that I actually would kill to be a stay-at-home mom. I feel like a total jerk leaving little Stella, even though I've been out and about during my maternity leave (thank you, Staci!), so I know she'll be fine. There is just something so final about "returning to work," and the whole idea really has me in the dumps. Not to mention the ungodly lack of sleep that will ensue with my wretched 6am commute, and Miss Stella's go-to-bed-at-11:00-and-wake-up-for-good-at-4am schedule.

Luckily, we have a fantastic nanny who James loves and Stella loves to spit-up on... so we are headed in the right direction. Now, if we can just get Stella to one year of age...

Today at the grocery store, I let James hold the Newman's Own brand salad dressing. He looked at it for a minute, pointed at the picture of Paul Newman on the front, and matter-of-factly exclaimed "Papa!"

James thinks everyone is Papa, but yet, he can correctly identify a picture of my dad on the refrigerator. At the mexican restaurant, the nice 50-something man behind us: "Papa!" The picture of Joseph in James' nativity story book: "Papa!" A man on Sesame Street: "Papa!" [And unfortunately, the gorilla filed under "G" in the ABC book: "Papa!" (sorry, Papa...).] While there is no doubt that James loves his Mia and his Grammy, I think that James has a big, secret affinity for his Papa...even though he's not apt to show it much when Papa is here visiting.

I know that it will be a joyous day when Jason takes James out for a bike ride, their first camping trip, a game of catch. But my eyes fill with tears when i think about my dad taking my son fishing, to play golf, to the hardware store. I think about all the times that Dad took me to do those things, and I feel immeasurably blessed to know that my children will know the same love, the same sense of security and family that only Papa can give.


I love you, Papa...and love to all of our family.

1 comment:

The Brooks Family said...

I know how you feel. That's why I was a stay at home mom for 4 and 1/2 years. I just couldn't leave. I finally decided that my husband's income would have to be enough. It wasn't always easy but those were the happiest years of my life. And, I can't wait to do it again with our next baby!!! I'm not saying that's what you should do... but I will tell you that it's wonderful (and totally exhausting).