April 29, 2009

Motherhood is Gross


And the grossest things in the world pertaining to motherhood only happen to working mothers, simply because there is just not enough time in the world. Just to name a few first-hand experiences:


1) The horror of seeing my child eat a solitary Cheerio from the dark crevice of the highchair, and thinking to myself: "Okay, today is Wednesday...think, Meredith, think - the last time he had Cheerios...was what, Saturday?" And then coming to the conclusion, "Huh... That's not too bad."


2) Realizing that I haven't had a proper meal all day, and deciding that I will "go fish" myself in said highchair for a snack.


3) Acknowledging that the diaper has reached 150% capacity, but I don't want to break for a change, because I only have 10 precious minutes of the day left to spend with my son (and he's getting a tubby in 5 minutes anyway).


4) Continuing to smell poop from a diaper I changed three hours earlier... only to later discover that the poop is on my nose/under my nails/in my hair.


5) Forgetting to stop by the store the night before, and actually considering (if only for a split second) adding breastmilk to my coffee before hitting the road.


6) Being spit/peed/puked upon in the middle of the night, and crawling right back into bed without changing my clothes... knowing I'll be up in two hours anyway for work (at which time, I may or may not get a shower then).


7) Using a dirty burp cloth to dry my face after taking off my makeup, because I have not found a spare six minutes to wash a towel for my own use.


8) Nabbing a bite of only a "slightly" chewed piece of hamburger from my son's plate. And then, going in for seconds.


9) Checking the temperature of baby food and then licking it off my finger before I even realize I just ate "Hearty Country Breakfast" by Beechnut, and then pausing for a minute to decide if it's really that bad tasting.


10) Holding my baby girl up over my head, while exclaiming "Oh my sweet baby girl!" ...at which precise time she vomits, and it all lands right in my mouth.


Motherhood... sometimes, well... it's just gross.

1 comment:

The Burns' BlogSpace -- How Neat! said...

Love it!!! And, sadly, some of your observations are those of this SAHM. :o)