May 8, 2009

BlogVice: Birth Ready (Part One)

James, 2 months
Friday night, I "blined." This is my new word for the dangerous combination of blogging and drinking wine. A co-worker actually came up with the word, so I cannot take credit for it. But she's not a blogger, so I steal it! Ah-ha! I bline! I bline!

I had lunch with same brillant co-worker on Friday afternoon. She is expecting her first baby, and I talked her ears off. She swears that she wanted all my advice, and that I didn't scare her, but I fear that I did. In my enthusiasm about all things baby and helpful, I probably said too much. Sorry! But at the risk of scaring "all" my readers, I do have alot of scoop. (Men, this is when you click on to, or pick up the latest issue of don't want to read this).

The scariest imagery in all the world may be that of childbirth. People claim that it's "beautiful," etc etc.... and while the end result (said baby) IS beautiful, there is really nothing too beautiful about the process of getting said baby here. And at the risk of going into too much detail where my blog might be stopped by the "dirty internet site police," one should prepare for childbirth with the proper exercises. I do not mean Kegels, which the real purpose of that is to get you back to "normal" after birth (again, no details) and prevent you from wetting your pants after sneezing (again, I've said too much). I'm talking about perineal massage. For those of you who are done having children, do not bother to read the rest of this paragraph. For those of you who want children "someday," do not read it either, because then you will not have children. This is for my pregnant readers - you're already down the path, so now you need to deal with it, absorb it and do whatever you can to avoid the tear/cut. Read it and practice it, no matter how humiliating it is. I promise it will save your goodies. Perineal massage

There are so many different "methods" of childbirth. I've read them all. In hindsight, I think Bradley might have been the way to go, but I do not have any experience with it, because I did not practice it. I do know that the Hypnobirthing Childbirth Method consists of alot of hogwash (like you can "breathe your baby out" without pushing ---whatever), but much of the imagery and meditation and breathing techniques are fabulous, and got me through many days of labor without drugs (yes I said "days"). I'm still trying to obtain a reader base for my blog, so I'm not posting my birth stories yet. Everyone would run.

Anyway, some of you may swear by Hypnobirthing and have actually managed to have "pain free childbirth." If so, I say in response to that: 1) you're a dirty rotten liar, and 2) prove it! Post a link to your recent, pain free, drug free labor video, and we can all reconvene at a later date. And I do not mean for you to post the homebirth video of the Russian midwife who births her own child in water unassisted -we've all seen her. She's high as a kite on something. There are also videos shown in the Hypnobirthing classes that "show" these labors. These women are drunk. I digress. Hypnobirthing has some good theories and practices, and I do very highly recommend it for that. A section in the book covers perineal massage too. The Hypnobirthing Method, combo with the perineal massage, and most of all, my fabulous midwife saved me from two c-sections. I do not knock Hypnobirthing except for the premise that drug free labor can be painless, or even comfortable, and that one need not push. I think it would have been a more reasonable assessment to say manageable. Plus, why not push? It would have taken my babies forever to arrive without pushing, if it's even possible - I still doubt.

On a lighter note:
The purchase of a baby tub does not seem like a big deal, but really, it is. You have never seen slippery like a wet, soapy newborn who has no head control. There is a tub at Target which has an actual sling that the newborn lays in, so you're not juggling them. Fabulous and cheap.

Gerber Sleep N Play baby jammies are the best. They come in three-packs, are a super-value, and have zippers, which are great for middle of the night changings. You don't spend your time fumbling for snaps and buttons.

Co-sleepers are for the birds. We used a co-sleeper for James, and we heard every peep. It was awful. I never slept (as if a new mother sleeps anyway). But with the co-sleeper, I literally had to climb in and out of the bed like a monkey to get around it. We used a bassinet for Stella, and wheeled her across the room, close enough so I could hear her cry, but far enough so not hear every snort and cough when we slept - and it was great.

My final piece of advice for this entry is to spend the cash on a video monitor for the baby's room. Being able to click it on and see the baby, will save you alot of trips in the middle of the night, especially with new mother paranoia. A good one has night vision and is so clear that you can even see spit-up and that kinda thing if you mount it on the wall over the crib. It helps with sleep training too, when a baby is older. The monitor gives you the ability to see them and make sure they are "ok" without them seeing you.


Suzy said...

"Blined" is something I'm totally gonna steal. Too funny!

Emilie O. said...

It's your co-worker. Holla! Excellent blining!

Meredith said...

Hi co-worker... see, folks like the "bline"...