August 4, 2009

Letter to Stella: Milestone

Dear Stella,

Today, I missed another milestone.

You sat up on your own... you were on your tummy, and then you just sat up.

Your nanny told me as I walked in the door. She told me of the great news, but did so with the regretful, I'm-so-very-sorry-to-tell-you-yet-another-thing-you-missed-in-your-child's-life-look (it's ok, Staci - I still promise, I would rather know!).

And it really didn't bother me, because I figure...a stay-at-home mom could just as easily have missed such a milestone by being in the shower or grocery shopping or cooking dinner or doing whatever else a stay-at-home mother does.

But I was working, and missed it. And regretfully, it probably will not be the last time I will apologize for missing one of your big days, Stella. Just ask your brother.

I missed his first sit up event, his first tooth, giggle, smile, step, standing up. I did manage to catch him crawling, but it was only because I was home sick with a fever. For a court appearance, I most recently missed "Muffins with Mom" (which I still say was a ridiculously contrived event at your brother's school). Please hold the muffin-top jokes for a later day. Nonetheless, I have the sad picture to prove I wasn't at Muffins with Mom. The very sad picture of your dear brother, wearing a frown and sitting in front of a half-eaten muffin, alone....without mom. Ah-hem. Muffins without Mom.

Milestones without Mom: Making Memories in the Hours Between 5 and 7. That'll be the title of my book someday.

I remember when your brother did the same move you did today. Although, I missed that one also. Not because I was working, but because he did it in the crib. I walked in the room - and there he was, just sitting up on his own, plain as day. I digress.

But dear Stella, let me tell you what I will not miss. I will not miss weekend manicures and pedicures with you, shopping for clothes and makeup. Walks in the park or the mall, coffees, lunches and general girl time. I will be there for all your plays, sporting events, and banquets, your band performances and important pre-prom moments (all of these are contingent upon you actually wanting me there, of course). When you are getting married and having babies of your own, I will be there.

I work now, so twenty (or less) years from now... I won't have to. At least, that is my master plan, dear girl. To be there when you really want and need me, not just for the day-to-day stuff that I am missing now, and which Staci covers exceedingly well (and probably better than I could, or would, for that matter).

Some may say the day-to-day stuff is what "matters," and to that I say, maybe so. Prove it.

But I find comfort in the fact that I work hard now, so I can come stay with you, dear sweet Stella, for three weeks when you bring your new baby home (or stay forever, like your Mia would like to!). I can be there whenever you call, no matter what time of day, and I won't have to "go" for a client, a call, a draft of something-or-another. I work hard so you and your Bubba will have college and clothes and experiences that I never had (and I had some good ones!).I work hard now, so I can buy our family a ski chalet in somewhere snotty like Aspen or Breckenridge, or a vineyard in Italy... or hell, a simple cruise to the Bahamas.

'Dems big dreams, I know.

So for all the "milestones" I may miss my dear Stella... I say, Don't Worry.

I will be there for a million more. Hang tight, sweet baby girl. There are brilliant manicures in our future, sitting in a spa somewhere with mountains and wine and sunsets. I know, I have to wait only 18 or so years... but I'm patient.

I hope you can be too. :)

I love you,


kelly said...

As I sit in a staff meeting (yes, I'm supposed to be working) I am reading this post and crying...know that you are doing a GREAT job and remember how excited the kids get when you get home!!

Kelly Koenig said...

Ok I think I am sufficiently sobbing now! At first it was just a little tear but now has become full on crying. I am so sorry you are missing these times. I'm super emotional because of our own situation. I think of how many moments I will miss of my three. Oh the joy of pregnancy hormones mixed with a mother's guilt!