September 8, 2009

Kid for Sale (Cheap)

Tonight was the most spectacular tantrum I have ever seen from one child. (Although the tantrum calls into question the definition of "child," as you will see from only the small sliver of evidence uploaded below.)




It started at approximately 4:45, and continued until the better part of 7:00. Ah, I love motherhood. Tonight, while not nearly as miserable weather-wise, was a close second in the fun rating to the Atwood's trek to the Duluth Train Museum in July (See posting, Hell on Wheels for reference).

So, James (22 months) was not happy with the food for dinner, the crayons for coloring, the milk for drinking... he was not happy with the cup, the Sister, the Daddy...the animals, the books, the paper, the wagon... the tricycle in the front yard really got the brunt of the beating, and at some point, I swear that child screamed, "Goldfish b***h!" But I simply must have heard that one wrong. But a few minutes later, it was the same thing. My child's apparently gratuitous use of a curse word, however, was the least of my problems tonight.

He swatted, threw himself down, screamed, bit... did a little more throwing himself down, and biting at the air like a rabid dog. I tried to make sure the throwing down happened on the carpet, but in an attempt to "get him to the carpet," he lept from my arms like a frog on PCP, and managed to find the wood floor. Then he'd settle down, climb back up to the table and start to eat his rice and carrots. I would turn my head for a span of, oh, say 2 seconds, and the next thing I knew (I'd hear almost a low rumbling in his little gut) - out out OUT came the little beast. More crying, screaming, thrashing, nipping at the air. (Nipping at the air? Yes, I am serious.)

The Terrible Twos are indeed...quite terrible. I thought they were an urban legend, but clearly, the Terrible Twos are not legend, quite real, and are more akin to the seventh circle of hell (almost as bad as the commute from Lawrenceville in the morning). In fact, I believe that in hell, Lawrenceville and the Terrible Twos are actually quite friendly neighbors. I digress.

"Oh, but you simply must maintain your discipline consistency in order to manage your two year old." Oh, but you must come live in my house for one second. See if you can tame the dear sweet baby beast.... if you can, you can have Goldfish!

KID FOR SALE
Dirt cheap.
Possibly free (depending on how tomorrow goes).
Doesn't take up much space, but is very loud.
Toys included.
Baby sister not (yet).

1 comment:

Emilie O. said...

That was both hilarious and terrifying. Actually, I'm not sure I should've read that...