February 18, 2010

Decision Making Idiot

In motherhood, for me, the most difficult decisions have become the simple ones. The carrots versus broccoli for dinner. The mall or the aquarium on the weekend. I have noticed recently that these everyday decisions paralyze me. I find myself staring into the freezer and thinking: I just cannot make this difficult choice (veggie nuggets or spaghetti). Oh, my goodness - the Size Five or Size Six diapers (the Fives fit fine and there are more to the package, but the Sixes appear to work better for some reason, but there are fewer in the case). I spent no less than ten minutes staring at bath wash for the kids at the grocery store (I want organic, but is organic really "tear free" and is this organic more organic than that one). No less than five people managed to pass me, make their shampoo/wash/lotion choice and move on. And there I stood. Time ticking on.

Lately, this decision making issue is pouring into other areas of my life. Maybe I am just tired and need a solid night's sleep followed by a nap. Then I think that Jason's trip to Australia and absence was a little more stressful than I had planned, and this decision making paralysis is simply some sort of stick-my-head-in-the-sand impact from that. (This is the part where all military wives may roll your eyes at me. God bless you - I do not know how you can handle the loads you do...I am clearly a sissy).

These small choices: what do I do with my hair, my workouts, my laundry, my dirty car. My shoes are frustrating me. The house is overrun with my shoes. One shoe, two shoe, mismatched shoe. My closet is reasonably clean, only a little disorganized. There's just all this stuff around me, and even after throwing out everything I owned a few months back in the Atwood garage/closet overhaul, I still want to throw out more things. I am tempted to throw out all my shoes except my black pumps, boots and my sneakers. If I only have three pairs of shoes, then I won't have to stand in front of my shelves in the morning, drooling and paralyzed at the choice of shoe. The same applies to shirts, pants and skirts.

Ah, the "big" decisions. How do I make those big choices without blinking, shooting from the hip, and those choices tend to be correct, and I am satisfied? Is it the instinct/gut factor? Where the instinct fight-or-flight factor is not present in the small choices?

Or is it because the days have become rife with a zillion small choices, and I cannot even make a proper list to handle them?...Maybe if I had a list. Yeah, that's it... I will make a list.

But then how do I choose the priority of the things on my list? That does not help me make decisions. A list is not the answer. A personal decision maker would be nice, along with a sister wife. Now, we're talking. Wait, just the sister wife! I could make the sister wife make all the small decisions, and I could be in charge of big ones.

See, again? The second wife is the answer.

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