March 7, 2010

Punked Again

I am tired of getting punked by two kids. A Sunday morning 6:30 wake-up call? Really? After well over two years of not sleeping, can we please have a full night of sleep? On a regular basis?

I really don't think this is too much to ask.

I also do not think it inappropriate to ask that my two-year old refrain from throwing food, spoons and crayons when we are out at Mexican with friends. Granted our friends have three children, which includes a five year old set of twins, so I did not feel any judgment in the slightest. They gave us reassuring glances, said comforting things like: it will get better and ours were just like this. However, I judged myself and my husband and our blaringly apparent lack of parenting skills and/or discipline. Even though, in reality, we are discipline experts, having read all the books, and run the gamut from naughty chairs to naughty stools to naughty hats and mats, to most recently and as a last ditch effort, the introduction of "Mr. Spoon". All you people who cringe or judge Mr. Spoon can kiss my tail. Please see the previous post from last year, Kid For Sale, and tell me you wouldn't resort to a wooden discipline object, or even letting that kid out back to roam free and be raised by wild wolves, rabid dogs or traveling Irishmen. Lately, I feel like there is a camera following me, and just when I think I have things "under control" (control being a joke of a relative term with children), then the cameraman screams "action!," the circus rolls into town, and suddenly I'm a one-armed, one-legged, blind and mute ringleader...being punked by the monkeys.

No one warned me of this. Shame on all of you who fail to warn! Now, do not warn pregnant women. That is just harsh, and too late for an informed decision at that point. But warn everyone else. This warning is your duty as a human being. For those of you at a loss for words, try this:

WARNING: Children are the biggest blessing and joy in the world. However, please note that you will never sleep, have a sane meal, or feel like a real, live adult ever again. Your house will smell like poop and your face will be scrunched into a face of terror each day, for fear of being covered in said poop. If you are okay with this, proceed on, nutcases!

I do not think this warning applies to one child. This warning applies to two children who were not spaced a sane distance apart in age, and of course, multiples.

Funny thing is, even if I had been given this warning, I would 1)not have believed it, and 2) proceeded on anyway, and 3) been glad that I did. This circus makes me crazy, but good lawd, everyone LOVES a good circus. And the Atwood monkeys, well, they are some of the best chimps around.

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