April 14, 2010

Kinda Gotta Hunch

When a woman becomes pregnant, she's unknowingly sealed a deal with the hunchback devil. Another persistent joy of motherhood = the hunchback. The constant job of now looking towards the floor.

Now, I started out this gig with a little curvature of my spine, so that puts me at an immediate disadvantage.

Still, during pregnancy (pre-curvy spine or not) the hunch starts. The leaning forward into the belly. The bending down in order to see the tiniest little clothes you've ever folded. The attempts to find your ever-disappearing feet, to paint your toes.

Childbirth brings the official push! push! push! hunch. This is where you really crack the spine into submission. C-section births have a slower rate of hunch, but they quickly catch up during the later months.

The breastfeeding starts the fusing of the ever-bending spine into Igor-esqe proportions. The look-he's-latching-no-he's-not-latching bending down to look at precious baby, the constant feedings. Equals humpy dumpty.

The diapers. The laundry. The stroller. The carseat. The sitting phase. The crawling phase. The walking phase. The kids (their toys, their getups) are always teenier than you are, so you're bent down and looking down all the time.

Oh, the backaches. The backpain never stops. Lucky for me, I work. So I get hunchback breaks from the kids during the day, where I sit at my computer working (ah-hem, hunching over)...oh wait...strike that.

I would say it gets better, but tonight as I was hunched down under the table cleaning up the remnants of dinner, it occurred to me that I may possibly be in the bending position until these kids grow taller than me. And I'm pretty tall. And how long until they are taller than me (if at all)? Ten more years? Twelve? The hunchback along with my "yes, Master" attitude towards the two-year old... I'm definitely feeling Igor's pain.

I've kinda gotta hunch...that the hump is permanent.

The good news is that the children love to grab onto my fabulous humpback while I ride them around like a packmule. At least it's good for something.

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