July 7, 2010

Fictional Characters

I received a cute email today from one of my good friends sharing a book excerpt from DailyLit.com. I ate my sandwich and read, had a good giggle. And then saw this at the top of the post:

"Question of the Week: Who are your top 10 fictional characters of all time? Click here to share your list."

I was floored.

There was a time where I could have rattled off some names like Benjy Compson (Sound and the Fury), Jake (The Sun Also Rises) and Matilda (I think, from Angels & Insects). Oh, I forgot Bartleby and Gatsby, but I remember them only because their names appears in their respective titles. And in truth, the only name I really remembered on this little list, on my very own, was Gatsby. I had to Google Bartleby and pull down a search for Benjy, Jake and Matilda (I thought she was Miranda).

Dear Lord, who actually has to Google Bartleby?

So as of now, I've only got five. And five completely unoriginal ones.

Now, I could add two more if you want to count the downward spiral into soppy chick lit characters like Canny Shapiro (Good in Bed) and Rachel from Something Borrowed. Ok, we'll count them, for the sake of argument.

So at best, I have seven names. Seven out of the ten. And I only came up with one on my own, and two are chick lit.

What does this mean? Well, it's just a reminder of my Leaky Mommy Brain ("LMB"). And it does not appear to be seeping back into my head.

You've heard it before. I have said it before. But I am going to work with my smarty-pants scientist husband and see if we can prove these LMB numbers. I hypothesize that when a woman gets pregnant, she unknowingly donates a portion of her brain (I believe it is approximately 8%) to her unborn fetus. More than one child equals more brain donation. During birth and early newborndom, about 32% of a woman's brain just plain goes to sleep and then dies a slow death in the first twelve weeks of the baby's life. As you can see, if you have one child, you are suddenly operating on 60% brain capacity. As for me, I have two kids, so I'm already down to 52%, and that is just after the birth and through the first quarter of the kid's life. Then there is the general sleep deprivation and exhaustion and overall just crap associated with motherhood in general: poof, another 12% just plain disappeared.

Ah-ha. As of now, I can approximate that I have 30-40% of my original brain. Hence, no room for Hemingway.

Therefore, I'll just embrace it. Here we go.

My Top Ten Fictional Characters of All Time
1) Thomas the Train
2) Elmo
3) Big Bird
4) Whyatt
5) Mickey Mouse
6) Minnie Mouse
7) Cookie
8) Handy Manny
9) Curious George
10)Oscar the Grouch (my personal favorite).

Yes.

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