July 5, 2010

The Mother Strain

James and I have been warring through the Terrible Twos (the "TTs") for a while now. Allegedly, our nanny has "no problems" with him. His teachers at school say he's the most well-behaved kid ever. At church, the folks say, what a doll. My parents... oh, that's another story. He's a grandkid. Enough said.

At home though (begin playing scary music)... this kid is a little devil. I walk in the door, and I hear his little horns thrust through his skull. His eyes turn a shade of red, and I brace myself for the next three hours of living in crazy land. I sorta understand it, though. He has two working parents, a sister who's always up in his grill and yanking on him. Plus, he IS two.

Apparently, he has a strain of the TTs that only affects his parents:
the Mother Strain.

James has had the Mother Strain since... well, since he was born. Actually, it started in the pregnancy, when he somehow fashioned a little baby hammer and chisel in my womb and tried to crack off a piece of my tailbone around month four. He beat me up for days in childbirth, refusing to arrive peacefully and in my warm tub of hippie water, even though I had a doula, a midwife and a whole lotta peaceful birthing music. The kid came with a vengeance, but only after my labor started on a Saturday...my water broke on Wednesday....and he was born on Thursday. Oh, and he pooped in utero. There was my second sign (after the tailbone injury).

Then, he was a newborn who nursed every two hours IF I was lucky. Mostly it was every hour and a half. He did not sleep through the night until he was fifteen months old. I will repeat.... fifteen months, people. And so it went. I would have a shorter list if I wrote about the things that are easy about my dear boy.

The Traveling Avon Husband is overseas again, so my mom had planned to stay with me for a week over the holiday. Last minute change of plans, though, due to my Terrible Two induced mental health reasons: James got shipped down to Savannah for five days instead to stay with my parents. And the kid was lucky I stopped the car to toss him into their Volkswagen. Well, not really. I could not figure out the car seat predicament; otherwise, he would have been tossed.

So, it's been two days without James. The house is quiet. Stella and I went to a pool party at a friend's house and spent the night. We shopped. We ate out. We danced to Lady Gaga (her favorite...and mine). We zipped all over town, and there was no screaming, whining, throwing of books at my head in the car, foaming at the mouth. Just two lucky tantrum-free ladies out on the town.

It has been so relaxing and peaceful without him.

And I cannot stand it. I miss that little booger of a monkey so, so, so much. The Mother Strain right now... is actually the ouchy feeling I've got in my insides from being without my son.

He (and I) will surely survive the Terrible Twos, just in time for his sister to come along for the ride.

Now, if I can only survive the next few days without him. Love you, buddy.


Laurabien said...

I feel like you are writing my life, except I don't have anywhere to ship him anymore. We are going through the Terrible Three's The "TT's" only with more intelligence, super scary. Let me know if you figure it out, how to tame the beast. I will keep you posted on the 3's. They are almost over for me (October). But I have to tell you, the female version of the TT's is quite cute. Chloe has a meltdown over her clothes. I can handle that, she just melts into a puddle of tears. No pea soup there.
Keep writing, I love it and feel a little less alone in this "Irish Twin" thing that we have going on.


Meredith said...

Thanks, girl. This is a crazy life, for sure. I still can't believe you have two more kids than we do. I don't care if they are an "older set" - I don't know how you do it. Fo sho. :)