August 17, 2010

Slow Fat Triathlete

Ok. So I have taken steps to pack my things to move out of Rutville, by signing up for a duathlon in October, with a lofty goal to hit a sprint triathalon in the spring (thank you, Jayne Williams). So, I told baby boy James last night at bedtime that I was going to do a triathalon, and the little bugger laughed at me.

I said, "No really, I am going to swim, bike and run... in a race." He mocked me, saying "No, Mommy ! No race!"

Earlier, Stella put her hands over her eyes when I said, "Mommy is going to swim in the morning." Thanks, guys!

Well, at the ripe hour of 4:40 this morning, my alarm beeps, and I head to the gym. Me and my mom swimsuit. Yes, I have ordered a slick looking Speedo number with silicone swimcap, but the getup will not arrive until next week. And I say, best to get moving while the motivation has slapped me - no time to waste here.

Board shorts and impractical swim top it is. Goggles. Check. (Sweet).

Three Olympic proportioned laps later, I am dying. I have sucked in water through my nose, my mouth and somehow, through my ears. I am huffing and puffing. Yesterday, I told my Ultra Marathon running friend that I really didn't think the swim part was going to kill me in my hypothetical triathalon. I lied. Holy cows.

I managed to paddle, swim, lay, roll, bob and sputter through about forty minutes of water time. I consider that a massive victory. Hey, I got in the pool! Hey, in my mom suit! Hey, at an athletic club where everyone is about 100 pounds, runs the Kona Ironman for fun and in my imagination, comes to the pool with a bloody harpoon to stab folks like me.

But it was nice. And everyone was nice. The true athletes looked on a little sympathetically (aw, look at that special momsuit), but nice, nevertheless.

Now, I am wondering about the bike portion. (No need to speak about my running skills. I have none.) I feel most confident with the bike part. I "easily" handle an hour straight of Ironman Gerry on Fridays, so that has to be at least fifteen miles a class. By "easily," I acutally mean that I do not pass out. Theoretically, I think I could do at least ten more miles.

I don't know about my bold and big decisions here. I should probably have my head checked. Clearly, I cannot really swim or run. I think I can bike. However, I declare I am going to be a triathlete. And frankly, I have decided. And as Ironman Gerry says, the decision and the mindset is the biggest part.

Whether a Slow Fat Triathlete or otherwise, I will do it.

Now, if I could just get my children to stop laughing at me...


chiquita_bob said...

Momsuit--gotta love it! I hate gravity!

BarbaraMaysBurns said...

I'm still chuckling over this. Not so much because of your experience, but because it reminds me of MY recent swimming stints. I grew up as a pool rat: swimming & diving team until I graduated high school. (And afterwards, they simply wouldn't let my geeky self back on the team...)

Anyhoo, I got back in to it about a month ago, with my pseudo-swimmer's-suit-slash-mom-suit. (Picture a "real" swimmer's suit with a low cut for the boobs to pop out.) Oy.

So I get back in the water, and much to my surprise, I can still swim, flip turns and all. It's those damn goggles that get me! They fill up with water, causing me to NOT SEE WHERE I'M GOING. So I smash them down to my face. In doing so, I suction the goggles to my eyelids so well, that I have red rings around my eyes for the rest of the day. AND, apparently, popped some blood vessels on the inside of my lower lids.

So, now I can either see where I'm going during my swim, and pay for it later. Or swim blindly (hopefully not sharing a lane), and keep my blood vessels intact.

P.S. I would probably have to revert to training wheels, were I to get on a bike these days. Just a hunch.