September 30, 2010

Cry Me a River of Pee


Our son is a sprinkler system. And over-hydrated sprinkler system, if there is such a thing. He always has been, since birth.

Our biggest challenge is keeping him dry overnight. I think my mother finally believed how bad it was when she had two nights with James recently. Everything but the walls were wet when she woke him.

Now, the Expert and I usually wait until the very last second to change him before we go to bed, sometimes as late as midnight or one in the morning. Still, by sunrise that kid has managed to wet his pants, his bed and the curtains. Well, not the curtains, but you get my point.

I'm not sure if it's the amount of liquid or the sheer force of the liquid that is causing the leaks. Also, he's at the age where he can take off his diaper. So there's the overhydration action, plus force of spray, coupled with playing with diaper....equals a huge mess.

Here's what we have tried:
1) Of course, changing him right before we go to bed into overnight diapers. Placed high in the front and tight around the waist. This is the best thing we have found, but still, in the morning the diaper often weighs in at thirty-six pounds and we have a very wet toddler.

2) Plastic pants over the overnight diaper. This was last night's escapade. I just knew these would be the hero of the day. Nope. Insert buzzer sound. The only thing that remained dry was about two inches of pajama pant. Bedsheets still soaked.

3) Cutting down his liquids before bedtime. This tends to reduce, but not eliminate the problem, but dang, if the kid is thirsty, he's thirsty. I'm not going to deny him water.

4) Two diapers. Yes, I've said it. I have tried one diaper on top of another. Still no go, and James is so confused by this one. But it's good comic relief: Oh, my goodness, lookee there! Two diapers on James. I got two diapers!

Now, I know. We could change him every three hours. Yes, I agree that this appears to be the last sensible remedy: setting an alarm and changing him around 3am. But geez. What's the point of having a three year old, if we are up changing diapers like a three-week old? Plus, the extra diaper change is not fool proof. He has managed to wet through two diaper changes many, many a night.

Am I just a terrible parent because I don't want to do this? (Don't say yes, yet).
It has been almost three years, and for the first time, all of us are sleeping through the night. Three years. I do not want to get up to change diapers at 3am ever again. We are done (spelled: D-O-N-E) having children, and I cannot bear the flashback to a newborn state. I break out in teeny tiny hives. I almost think that I am physically unable to handle the newborn patterns again. And that is what this diaper situation feels like. Ok, this all sounds terrible. But you guys are used to me by now anyway. If I can talk about stinky feet, then I can talk about pee.

Whine whine whine.... I can see all of you nodding and saying, just change the kid. So yes, I am selfish. But I also need to sleep in order to be a functioning member of the working society. Okay, okay... fine. I will set my bloody alarm and wake up to change him. Unless... ding ding ding!

Two things we have not tried:
1) A pad (think: Poise) inside the diaper. This idea was from our nanny, who is most often stuck with the morning swamp of the room after wake-up. I greatly appreciate her input into my Operation Do Not Set Alarm To Change Diaper mission. My concern with this idea: the pad gets wet first and the diaper, now being blocked by the pad is absolutely useless and we have a bigger mess than before. Unless we put the pad horizontal around the rim of the diaper like a leak guard. Maybe that's the spirit. Does it seem cruel to put a pad on a boy's diaper? I am kind of giggling at the lunacy of it. But what if it works? I have created a new diaper prototype I can sell to Pampers and make millions. Anyway, apparently our nanny purchased the big puppy pads by mistake, which I think may actually pan out better. A little wrap-wrap, tuck-tuck action around the side and outside of the diaper may do the trick.

2) Next stop: adult diapers! Size XXXL. Hmmm. This may work too. Adult diaper on top of baby diaper. And the picture would be priceless.

I'm certifiably crazy. But I'm certifiable mostly because I haven't slept in three years... Imagine how bad crazy will be if we make that four years by setting an alarm to change a diaper.


Hello, Depends!

1 comment:

BarbaraMaysBurns said...

I thought the adult diaper over the regular diaper would be a good idea, too! Lord have mercy, you've got to sleep, and the kid, well -he's gotta pee, right?

If that doesn't work, would y'all consider a catheter? (kidding. perhaps...)

Please update on how it all works out.

P.S. I've probably got, or can get my hands on coupons if you need them. ;o)