November 18, 2010

The Perfect Family

The family photograph.  Ah, the family photograph. 

Our little family has never had an official photo until last week. A local photographer teamed up with a local children's boutique for a mini-session offer I could not refuse.  I booked the appointment.  I orded the kids some clothes and literally, counted down the days with dread.

It's no secret that I have wild monkeys for children. Or at least, they act like animals around the Expert and me.  I could envision our family portrait:  Stella with a handful of James' hair.  James poking her in the eye.  Stella biting me.  Me biting the Expert.   

The day of the shoot, I am dressing James and he breaks his clip-on tie.  He pops off a button on his vest.  Stella drools on her dress, and tears through two pairs of tights.  My dress, oh my dress, (which was bought last year a/k/a twenty pounds ago) is riding up my rear end so high that I have to scrap the pantyhose and put on actual leggings.  (Of course, the Expert is sitting on the couch relaxed and looking sharp as ever.) 

Second shock of my life, the kids are amazing (!) and we wade through the shoot with absolutely no drama (and the photographer commenting on what precious well-behaved children we have (!)). 

A sneak preview of the pictures came in last night. And shows this perfect family of four. 

Who ARE these people???

When we saw the pictures, the Expert and I looked at each other and laughed... the drama behind those two sets of tired parenting eyes...that's the real story.  And the fact that my leggings were cutting into my extra belly fat while simultaneously giving me an enormous wedgie...another chapter entirely. 

Also, apparently it's a small miracle to have a photo of an entire smiling family. So how was it accomplished?  Welllll.... the photographer was saying "where's the kitty cat" over and over again in this voice which was cracking up the kids.  And me.  She was funny.  The invisible kitty cat almost made me pop the elastic on my leggings from the giggles. 

Family pictures are nice. And beautiful.  And I love love love ours.  Afterall, no one wants 8x10 immortalization of the day-to-day reality:  the sweatpants, boogies, the fights and stained t-shirts.  

The Perfect Family.  Yes, I've got it.  We are perfectly chaotic, messy and crazy, with a whole slew of internet-diagnosed issues.  And that's just fine with me.

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