December 18, 2010

Lazy Bones


James has never been a good sleeper.  As a newborn, he was ridiculous.  And even now, at age 3, he's still waking us up two, three, sometimes five times a night.  He takes almost three hours to fall asleep.

I hear everything.  The blasted baby monitor.  But I still run the monitor, because I fear the next puke-a-palooza. If I ignored him, he could die from drowning in his own barf.

On Sunday night, we were jolted awake with a 1:00am "ROAR" from his plastic dinosaur, Big Rex. And another roar.  Roar! Roar! Ugh.  I went upstairs for the 114,000th time in my motherhood career.

Me:       James. Enough. Tell your dinosaur to be quiet.
James:  Okay. (He clicks the "off" button.)
Me:      Thank you. Goodnight, baby.

I walk out the door. I stand and listen. I hear 'click' and ROARRRR!!! 
I walk back in the room.

Me:       Give me the dinosaur.
James:   No.
Me:       Oh yes.  Dino is going night night.
James:   But he not tired.
Me:       Well, Momma is tired, and Momma always wins.  Hand him over.
James:   Oh, okay.

For two hours, I doze.  Only to be jolted awake by a rising rendition of....

James:   WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS, WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS!
             WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW DEER!

And hence, I believed that I was moving into the guest room/office permanently. 

After three years of waking up consistently, each and every night.  I was over it.  I went in the guest room and pulled the covers over my head.  No baby monitors, just quiet.  Ahhhhh.  I open my eyes and see only the blinking light of my laptop.  Which reminded me of an email I needed to send.  3:30am and I'm out of the bed. Crap. I send the email.  Next thing I know, I'm in the shower, and sitting in my desk at the office by 5.  Only to find the network is down. Yes.

So these are my options?  I stay downstairs to listen to the stories/singing/talking  = I don't sleep.  I move upstairs to sleep = I work?  Ridiculous.  For Christmas, I want my own special house out back with nothing but a bed and a leopard print Snuggie.

The Expert can sleep through the singing, the jumping on the bed, the random story telling: "I see the dog. And momma says the dog is red. No doggie. You come here Stella. I see that dog too!"  I just can't sleep through it.  For women, I think childbirth brings a genetic mutation called "light sleeper."

And by the way, we can throw Stella into her crib from the hallway and she's out before she hits the mattress.  And she's out for 11+ hours.  Not a peep.  Thank you, sweet baby Jesus and your birthday (as James would say).

So, the Expert and I concocted a plan.  Bye bye nap. At three years old, James may be the first kid to have his afternoon nap wrestled out of his sticky little fingers. 

And hello sleep. Three skipped naps have resulted in three solid nights of sleep for all of us.  A sleeping monkey by 9:00, and he's out like a rock when I check on him.  Last night, I changed his diaper at midnight and he looked like he was on crack.  Woozy and slurring words. Perfect.  A Christmas miracle! A Christmas miracle!!

Anyway... we've been a bunch of lazy bones today. Slept in until 9:30.  All four of us are (still) wearing the same jammies from last night.  I ventured out for giftcards and Subway at noon.  The Expert went to the grocery store.  Other than that, we've been laying like broccoli. Cartoons galore.  And that's just fine. 

The kids are currently snapping beans for dinner.  And yes, Stella is wearing a diaper with a jacket only.  It's the only thing she will keep on. This is the most well-rested Saturday in the history of the house. 

In perfect contrast - on this same day in 2006 - the Expert and I were sitting in rocking chairs before the great fire at the Grove Park Inn in North Carolina, sipping wine, and doing exactly what we wanted to do.  And the kids? Not even a conceiveable thought in our heads. 

And now?  Time is often dictated by diapers, snapping beans and plastic dinosaurs who roar. Life is fast, and changes so quickly.  And although these changes are sometimes not a perceptible benefit of a real bargain - most of the time bargains are actually crap and the super expensive surprises are what make life worth living.

2 comments:

Maeve's Momma said...

Sounds like the nap removal was the best plan! My husband can sleep through anything, too, even though Maeve sleeps in her crib in our room!

Mere said...

Men are lucky in that way! :) Happy holidays to you!