May 30, 2011

Happy Memorial Day

Nothing says happy like a watermelon.


After a great (but tiring) traveling Memorial Day weekend, the Expert and I were disappointed to learn that the ShamWow! does not actually absorb children (or laundry).

May 23, 2011

The Balance of the Sexes

I love this Instagram app for the iPhone.  Oh, and I love the iPhone.  But duh.  That's not even worth posting. Everyone loves their iPhone.  Old news.  But I love that this app creates fabulous artsy-fartsy photos with a click of a phone...stuff that used to take hours to obtain in PhotoShop.  

I haven't blogged about the monkeys in a while.  Not because nothing has happened.  Quite the opposite actually. Just crazy land. 

We had a bit of the battle of the sexes here in the Zoo tonight.  James is more or less potty-trained.  He still hasn't figured out the no-poo-in-the-pants thing.  But how about a big boy standing up to pee?  His father is so proud.  

For standing up to pee, he got two mini M&Ms. 

Stella is near potty-trained.  She tried to stand up to pee after watching her brother; didn't want to take "no" for an answer.  Finally, I pointed to James' uh, thing, and said, "Stella, you don't have a pee pee, see?"  She scrunches her face, sits down on the potty and pouts. 

After peeing in the potty, she was awarded one M&M by the Expert.  

Then it struck me.  My baby girl was actually just subconsciously punished and denied the extra treat her brother was awarded....for her lack of weiner!!  Oh, hell to the no!  

Of course, this was absolutely not intentional.  Still. An announcement was made: the M&M situation was the last time someone in this house is awarded simply for having a wee wee.  

To which the Expert aptly responded, "Oh yes, because we with weiners are rewarded all the time around here."   

Still! How careful one must be when raising boys and girls together.  How unbelievably tricky.  The smallest thing, like an extra M&M for standing up to pee... who knows the consequences and hours of therapy later in life. 

James:     I went pee pee in the potty, Stella!

Stella:      I pee too, Bubba!  I potty tooooo.

James:     I have pee pee weiner, Stella!

Stella:      No!

James:     Yes, I do.  Do you have weiner Stella?

Stella:      No!  (thinking) You go time out, okay?

James:     No! I no go to timeout.  You do.

Stella:      No! I go potty! Now! Okay?

James:    Okay, Stella.  Good job!

We had a stressful but lovely weekend.  Anyone with kids understands precisely what that means. 
Nice, sunshiny day at the local Lifetime Fitness; a fabulous dinner with friends and family on Saturday night... the two events which were smashed in between lots of baby brawling and kids with runny noses, less sleep than is human.. etc..etc...
Still, for once in my life I am enjoying the hot weather... and enjoying a son who is doing fabulous in the way of being more manageable every day.  We are pretty darn religious with the therapy and the discipline, and I am just plain grateful for the leaps and bounds we are seeing. 

Until next time...

May 18, 2011

Yes, Really...

I couldn't make this stuff up matter how hard I tried.   Approximately twelve hours after Poo Brownies, here come the Poo Pods.

In the mere eleven seconds Stella was sans diaper on the way to the tubby... she stopped to lay down a few pumps on the bike pump.... then....

Plop. Plop. Poo drop.

Poo! She Didn't!?!

Take a look at this picture.

We woke up to Stella this morning.  Apparently baking her own special brownies in her room.  Beautiful scoops of brown.  Scoopity-scoops scoops.

Oh no she didn't.  Oh yes she did.

Poo!  Nice!  A spoonful of poo here, a spoonful of poo there...

The rest of the room was a terrible tragedy also.  The baby girl's pajamas were pinned, but she still managed to remove her diaper and run it face-down on the floor... make a fabulous floor poo painting, along with poo prints all over the place.

Check out my favorite rocking chair.  The horror.

And this is my sweet baby girl.  Post-poo bath, and post real bath.  She said she was cold.  Really, I think it was a chill from the exhausting evil work she just completed.

May 8, 2011

Stella McMullet

She starts out perfectly fine.

Then the Expert does her hair.

I present to you, Stella McMullet.

Happy Mother's Day

Even after well over three years and two munchkins, I still have no idea what motherhood means or how to be a good mother.  I know what motherhood has done to me (heartattacks, wrinkles, more fat than I had before).  But gracefully and effectively handling motherhood and raising kids? I am lost as I can be.

I find being a mother to be an incredible sacrifice.  I am no longer the pilot of my own plane, but more like a bird that gets caught in the plane's propeller, survives, and heads straight back for the plane again.

But I find motherhood to be an enormous blessing.  I got the kids up this morning (yes, the husband is still sleeping... how did that happen on Mother's Day? That's another blog for another day....), and the cutest girl in the world greeted me: Stella was sitting in her rocking chair, rocking her naked twin babydolls, and she said, "Hi Momma! I gots the babies. Babies are sweet!" Then she picked out the cutest tutu skirt to wear, and we went to get her Bubba up.

After walking in his room, James immediately said, "I have to go potty"... and so he did, right on the potty (and so did Stella!)  And not only that, he woke up with a dry diaper.  That's a happy Mother's Day: potty trained kids.

I never thought my weekends would be broken down to blocks of potty time and screams of "you did it! you went peepee!"  But this is it!  My life as a mother is in full swing.  And today, is a beautiful day. I have two precious kids sitting at the table, working puzzles. At this second, there is no drama or fighting. I am immeasurably blessed and lucky.

Happy Mother's Day to all the wonderful women in my life.  I love you.

May 4, 2011

Beautiful Day

It is only through labor and painful effort, by grim energy and resolute courage, that we move on to better things.
- Theodore Roosevelt

We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we often forget that he is someone today.  
-Stacia Tauscher

You can learn many things from children.  How much patience you have, for instance. 
- Franklin P. Jones

Boy, n.:  a noise with dirt on it.  
-Not Your Average Dictionary

Our genes make us immortal.  
-The Secret of Life, PBS

It's not only children who grow.  Parents do too.  As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours.  I can't tell my children to reach for the sun.  All I can do is reach for it, myself.  
- Joyce Maynard

Parenthood is the passing of a baton, followed by a lifelong disagreement as to who dropped it.  ~Robert Brault

A new father quickly learns that his child invariably comes to the bathroom at precisely the times when he's in there, as if he needed company. The only way for this father to be certain of bathroom privacy is to shave at the gas station.
- Bill Cosby

Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.  ~Robert Fulghum

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.

- Bill Cosby

May 3, 2011


James, after bumping his elbow on the doorframe:
"Owwww!  My arm hurts.  My arm is broken!  It needs batteries." 

The Boss

Stella:     (to James, after throwing a puzzle piece on the ground)  Pick it up!

James:    No way, Stella!

Stella:     (looking at me)  Pick up, momma.

Me:        You pick it up, Stella Rae. You are not the boss of me.

James:    Yeah, Stella. You not boss!

Stella:      Yes!

James:     No, Stella!  I the boss!